Divorce ... People come to this decision when nothing can be fixed. The situation is even more complicated if the family has children.
Many parents are so preoccupied with their experiences that they are little concerned about the condition of the child. But only at this moment the child needs much more support than a man or woman.
He is used to the fact that there is mom and dad, but the familiar world is crumbling. The child does not know what to expect, how to live on.
Some parents do not tell their child about divorce to the last, this is also wrong.
If you decide to break up, think about how to present this news to your beloved son or daughter. If you can do it right, divorce will not have such a strong impact on the psyche of the child.
Below are 10 divorce errors that hurt children. Try to avoid them.
10. Criticism of the other parent
It is difficult to restrain emotions, so it often happens that dad “pours mud” on his mother, and vice versa. Should not be doing that.
Criticizing the other parent can negatively affect the child’s self-esteem. He will not be able to build a career, he will have problems in relations with the opposite sex. You do not want this?
Then, before you say something bad, think about it. If the spouse is wrong, the child will understand this himself when he is a little older.
Criticism is useless; talk about dad / mom only good.
9. Do not pay attention to the child
Yes, of course, in such a difficult period, you want to close yourself at home, sit on the couch, drink wine, eat ice cream, cry - whatever, just don't take care of your own child.
If you suffer greatly, you will have to gather all your will into a fist and continue to live. The child needs your care, he is scared, he does not know what to do in such a situation. Communication with the child will mitigate your pain, you can be distracted. Walk, play, help him do his homework, read good books, talk.
Usually the baby stays with the mother. If the father had to leave his wife, this does not mean that he can delete from life and the child. Let him meet him too. You do not have to come home for this. The meeting can be arranged in a cafe in the park. The child will not feel abandoned.
8. Mood of the child against the father (mother)
Sometimes parents not only criticize, but also set the child against each other. Some use psychological techniques, some simply prohibit communicating with another parent. Do not do that.
Your family has broken up, but the child still has a father and mother. It is more difficult for children from single-parent families to build their personal lives, especially if you have a daughter. She will not have enough paternal warmth, in a few years she will look for him among strangers.
Often girls who lacked communication with their father have romance with men much older than them. Nothing terrible will happen if a man turns out to be worthy, but it may happen that they just want to use it.
If you have a son, he needs to communicate with his father in order to grow up a real man. Do not set the child against another parent, he will not have to "rush" between mom and dad.
7. Let it go
Not every person can gather strength in this difficult period. Many people think: "Whatever happens." They live by inertia: they get up in the morning, go to work, prepare dinner in the evening, go to bed.
Parents do not answer the questions of the child, they say: "You are still small, you still won’t understand anything." Mom is not interested in whether her child communicates with her father, other paternal relatives.
Forgive the former for all his mistakes, find ways to solve problems. Make sure that the child does not suffer. If you can’t cope with your condition, consult a psychologist, if only for the sake of a child.
6. Disagreements in the actions of parents
Even in a complete family, such situations often arise. Mom permits, dad forbids. If the parents are divorced, a similar situation happens more often. They do it in spite of each other.
As a result, the child does not understand whom to listen to. He begins to manipulate his parents. If one of them prohibits something, he says that the other has allowed, and his opinion is more important.
Soon, parents will lose their authority, and the child may even fall under the influence of others. You’ll have to discuss upbringing with your ex-spouse, however much you would like to.
5. Manipulation of the former spouse through children
In no case should you manipulate your ex-husband / wife through children. If he wants to pick up the children for the weekend, and you set him the conditions, the child will soon behave the same way.
Usually, some financial benefits become a condition of manipulation. If the father regularly pays for dates with the child, get ready for the fact that you will have to pay soon. You will “buy” good grades or good behavior.
4. Do not let the child communicate with dad (mom)
Above, this topic has already been raised. Do not forbid your child to communicate with another parent. A woman is very offended, but she can do nothing more than prohibit the child from communicating with his father. Think not only about your former partner, but also about the child.
By your prohibitions you ruin his life. If the psychological well-being of your child is important to you, then do not interfere with their meetings. Otherwise, they may begin to meet secretly, and you will be perceived as a common enemy.
3. The humiliation of the second parent in children
When meeting, behave with restraint, do not try to prick or humiliate the other parent. Many give in to their feelings, forget that a child is nearby. For example, if a woman does not have enough money, she asks them from her ex-husband. He in response begins to laugh at her, saying that she has not achieved anything in life.
The child will be very unpleasant, he will feel "between two fires." He loves dad and mom and does not want them to insult each other. In the future, he may have an ambiguous attitude towards his mother. He will think like his father, blaming her for the fact that she earns little, could not build a career. He will simply cease to respect her.
There are many similar situations, not all of them relate to financial issues. Whatever happens, behave with restraint, do not try to “annoy” the former.
2. Disruptions on the child
Some parents, instead of supporting the child, break down on him. They accuse him of having a bad relationship with a partner. Mom can accidentally drop: “It's your fault, you behave badly. So father left! ”
The child will feel guilty, he will think that the reason for divorce is poor behavior, low school performance.
Do not break your evil on the child, he is not guilty of anything. If at least once you allow yourself to say such a phrase, the child will forever remember it. Even when he grows up, it will be difficult for him to get rid of guilt.
1. Cheating a child
Some parents, because of fear of psychological trauma, prefer to hide the truth from the child. Mom says that dad went on a long business trip. When he learns the truth, feels cheated, he will no longer trust you.
You do not have to devote it to all the details of your relationship with your husband. Just explain to him that mom and dad can no longer live together.
It’s not necessary to say that the pope has a different family and “new children”. The child will grow up and understand you. Be sincere with him, often talk about your love, everything will be fine and soon you will not even remember this difficult period in your life.